I am a creative writer. I write about imaginary things and events, nothing real, things that only live and exist in my head. The events are not real and the characters may (sometimes) have supernatural powers like read other people minds, fly or even die and resurrect again. As a creative writer I make snakes walk and dance, I make pastors fall in love with their congregants and even make relatives give birth to geniuses out of abominable relationships. I am a creative writer (and) so everything I write about is not real and exists only in my world. This is to say you cannot make me accountable for my imaginary characters. How can you accuse me of defaming you, lying on the same bed with your arch rival or conniving to have you poisoned just because my character exhibited traits same as yours. Real characters cannot accuse imaginary ones. Imagine a dead man coming on to complain about the man who inherited his wife.
In the case number 492BC, I hereby present before you, your honor, complains of one dead man Mr. Archer. Your honor, Mr. Archer, a dead man, is a very grieved spirit today. Mr. Archer, a dead man, has in several unusual circumstances been forced to humiliation, embarrassment and (spiritual) disgrace by the (ill mannered) defendant who has today, before this honorable court admitted to sleeping with his wife and engaging in intimate sexual intercourse with his wife in their matrimonial bed, the same bed they bore their two children Faith and Solomon. Mr. Archer, a dead man, is irritated further by the fact that this has been made a norm and this (infidel) defendant wakes up in the mid morning sun and greets his neighbors jovially instead sneaking unnoticed, like normal adulterers do.
Mr. Archer, a dead man, explains that there has been a long time misconception about death. He demands severe punishment for whoever said spirits don’t live among us, whoever said spirits don’t listen, hear and develop feelings. Who made it the right of the living to indulge in adultery with a dead man’s wife in the (dead) husband’s (full) presence? Mr. Archer, a dead man, says that the whole spirit world, men and women will not rest and if this matter is not taken seriously they will rebel and start sleeping with living peoples wives’ and husbands, bear children with them and take them to church for Baptism in the full glare of everyone.
Hey! I am just a creative writer and before you start getting goaded too; I would wish to remind you that nothing is real. Mr. Archer is just my imagination (not you, your brother or step dad) and as such I only take responsibility for him only in the imaginary world and not in the real world. Imaginary characters do not breathe; they don’t have blood or even brains of their own to think for themselves, I do it for them. I breathe for my characters and lead them through in their imaginary events at imaginary places. I think for them (so I hold their brain for them); I lead them to greatness or to their downfall and they have no control unlike person in real world. They are my creation and I am their god. At least this is the excuse I hide underneath daily before taking my pen and paper to stretch beyond the realms of reality and freedoms of this world. I am a creative writer.